brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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