Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Fuck appropriateness.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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