can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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