dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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