I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
