The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
