My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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