It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
