Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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