well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
