Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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