I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
