youre lurking in front of me
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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