WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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