I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
