I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
