hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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