also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
