Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize