But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I party with great urgency now.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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