careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
