On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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