so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize