My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize