Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
