you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
