The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
