I don't think brook has ever known best
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Drunk is a universal language darling
im on a boat
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