Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
