New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
