the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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