There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
