You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
