Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
