So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
