how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
i think i just lost a toe
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
