What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
