she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
