First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
