She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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