He kissed a someone with a penis
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
