What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
