just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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