It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
