I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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