hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
