If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
