I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
