I cannot find my penis.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
