so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
