so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
