But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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