am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
