Dude my mom stole all your condoms
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
