i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
