I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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