and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
