either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
