omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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