you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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