sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Sacagawea was the original milf.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
