are you still at the devil's house?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize