I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
