Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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