you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
