I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
