A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
