I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
