I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
