It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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