his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize