Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
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