I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
