i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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