Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
