I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
