well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
