i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
