My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
