Welp...herpes.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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