i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
The air was thick with penises
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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